Not Mine

By Kabera Angel

I did not come here with him.

I know,

We haven’t exchanged vows,

Only a silent contract

Only his mouth, on my mouth,

His story in my hands,

My story in his hands

No third party

No witness

Just us

unbound

Laughing and kissing and

Talking and playing and

exploring and walking and sharing

intimacy so intimately

that we forget

who we are, where we are, why we are

what we are

Today,

I learn that

He is not mine

He turns

to her.

She is beautiful

beautiful beyond measure

He laughs with her.

I know that laugh

I know the mouth it comes from,
the shoulders it falls on,
the things that loosen it.

Today I learn

That he is not mine

Today I learn

That he wants me, but not

for the keeping

only for as long as I bring him

relief and release —

he does not want me to be his.

I do not know what to call a person

who has left fingerprints
on places I cannot show,

A person who still walks freely
through my memory
as though it were a home

I gave him the keys to.

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